This is not my ceiling
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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