did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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