I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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