tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
