just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
