dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
