I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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