So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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