I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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