wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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