So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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