I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
