just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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