i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
