and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
