she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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