just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
