We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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