how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
how does that bad decision feel?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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