I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
