Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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