I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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