I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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