mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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