I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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