This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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