This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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