the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
