She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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