So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm both gender and math confused
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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