I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
