hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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