Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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