I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
