I'm drive I can fine osifer
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
