TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
