I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
