New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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