There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
