ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
