She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
