I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
