I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
