apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
