so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
