spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hippo gnu deer
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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