I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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