im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
