We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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