Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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