He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
