i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
