giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
