I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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