wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
