Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
