i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ttyl tear gas
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
