Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
