I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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