if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
