i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
