I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
