@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
