I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
