My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this hospital has no fireball
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
