Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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