my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
