I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
