just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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