whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
