If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
