Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Randomize
