Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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