When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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