Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
