they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
